A few days back I went to the cinema and I saw the most explodey visual event of the year.
The Expendables.
First of all we get Sly ''jellyface'' Stallone and his crew are creeping about a Somali Pirate ship. These pirates are holding somecunts ransom, and are demanding money (3 million infact).
But Sly and the boys are having none of it so basically blast the shit outta them.
One pirate gets shot and his legs are left standing whereas the top half of his body is crumpled against the wall in gay abandon.
Anyhow, They save the day and Dolph Lundgrens character goes apeshit so they tell him to gtfo.
The Expendables is about this :
Bruce Willis comes in and calls himself Church and asks if Sly and The Pyromaniacs can Save The Day on a little island called Valena or someshit. Some baddy with a naughty salt growing team have taken over and the army of this island has went apeshit and started battering fuck out of anyone for no reason. This american cunt is bullying the General (who is the ruler of the island) and is an all round wanker.
The Generals daughter (sandra) is against all this and is like ''fuck you daddy, You're a bastard'' and tries to be the winner. But she gets punched to fuck and water tortured before Sly and the boys step in.
The last half hour of the movie is comprised of ''Holy Tranny Balls'' explosions and not much else. It is a visual feast that rapes your eyeballs with fire and leaves them wanting more. It is a movie that certainly did not disappoint and I loved every minute :) Jason Stathams Never ending Knife supply is Minted. I especially loved the bit where they shot a bomb and it went and fucked nature.
Oh aye, Mickey Rourke is in this movie also, and appears at one point on a motorbike with his shirt undone (vile old man skin) and there is a scantily clad woman who wouldn't look out of place at Hooters is draped over him like a shawl.
He also seems to have a problem with Over salivating as at one point you get so distracted by his drool pool on his lip you stop paying attention to the words passing over them.
Jet Li has obviously been told in this movie to be a Chinaman because his accent is apeshit. I know he his perfectly capable of stringing a sentence together with hardly any accent.
Overall, i enjoyed it lots and would give it 9.9/10 - only because i saw more Mickey Rourke Old Man Flesh than i ever needed to.
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
Keep your filthy paws off my Silky Drawers.
Random groping. I'm sorry, do I have a sign on me that says 'feel me'? No. I do not. Right, ok, so why does this give you permission to handle me like a bath sponge?
This happens especially in clubs and busy environments where the cunts who will never get any go to try and get some. And usually leave (as expected) with nothing.
These gropey bastards will think nothing of feeling up a random girl as she walks across their path. Sorry pal, after you groped her did she turn round and go ''oh my, you handsome gentleman, let me take you up on your offer of casual copulation and we shall abscond to the bed chamber''?
Did she fuck.
more than likely, she told you where to go (And it wasn't her bed chamber).
One from personal experience, In the union one twelve hour. Some twat keeps putting his hands on my waist. I keep on telling him to fuck off. he doesn't listen.
cue me, turning round and pushing him away. Pal, you're lucky i never done worse. i dont want to be handled like a stress ball. There's a thing called personal space - FUCKING USE IT!!
also, the girls that dress in basically nothing. if you don't want fucking stared at then wear something more than 2 peanut shells and a stamp, thankyou. And if you're not the underwear-as-outerwear type, then fucking stop wearing your grannies net curtain and complaining that people are ogling you - you're flashing flesh, of course folk will look.
anyway, the gist and nub of this is that if you're in a club, expect no less than to get groped by some creepy bastard looking for something he won't get.
This happens especially in clubs and busy environments where the cunts who will never get any go to try and get some. And usually leave (as expected) with nothing.
These gropey bastards will think nothing of feeling up a random girl as she walks across their path. Sorry pal, after you groped her did she turn round and go ''oh my, you handsome gentleman, let me take you up on your offer of casual copulation and we shall abscond to the bed chamber''?
Did she fuck.
more than likely, she told you where to go (And it wasn't her bed chamber).
One from personal experience, In the union one twelve hour. Some twat keeps putting his hands on my waist. I keep on telling him to fuck off. he doesn't listen.
cue me, turning round and pushing him away. Pal, you're lucky i never done worse. i dont want to be handled like a stress ball. There's a thing called personal space - FUCKING USE IT!!
also, the girls that dress in basically nothing. if you don't want fucking stared at then wear something more than 2 peanut shells and a stamp, thankyou. And if you're not the underwear-as-outerwear type, then fucking stop wearing your grannies net curtain and complaining that people are ogling you - you're flashing flesh, of course folk will look.
anyway, the gist and nub of this is that if you're in a club, expect no less than to get groped by some creepy bastard looking for something he won't get.
Sunday, 1 August 2010
2 minutes in my head.
It is times like this sitting on the couch that your mind really wanders it should get up for a snack on the tv theres rabble about Nikki grahame shame that she had anorexia she is also dumb as fuck ok now the maw is slagging her off and my legs are getting sore sitting all scrunched up on the couch i wonder how long you could sit scrunched up for now my neck is itchy so i scratch it i'm getting a bit hungry wonder whats in the kitchen and ill need to check my emails haha those junk emails theyve been sending are ridiculous no i dont want herbal viagra thanks and i sure as hell dont need diazepam and im kinda sleepy now but i dont want to sleep yet so ill get up in a second and make something to eat or drink for i am peckish oh i cannot wait for the cinema to see toy story and that was a weird book i picked up in asda bold shakespeare Macb_th and it took us ages to go round it what a weird name francis chadwick is and i cannot stand screamo music i wonder how much benadryl they go through haha getting caught in the catty crew last night was a laugh walking zombies they were all randUm and individual with their fries and coke and hair extensions and thats just the boys what was katy perrys first album was it one of the boys or one for the boys i dunno who cares anyway shes married a clothes horse with a fancy for cats speaking of cats where is the cat probably away killing something ow my legs are killing me i better get up and fix myself a snack.