The Expendables (Heavy Spoilers By the way).

A few days back I went to the cinema and I saw the most explodey visual event of the year.

The Expendables.

First of all we get Sly ''jellyface'' Stallone and his crew are creeping about a Somali Pirate ship. These pirates are holding somecunts ransom, and are demanding money (3 million infact).
But Sly and the boys are having none of it so basically blast the shit outta them.

One pirate gets shot and his legs are left standing whereas the top half of his body is crumpled against the wall in gay abandon.

Anyhow, They save the day and Dolph Lundgrens character goes apeshit so they tell him to gtfo.


The Expendables is about this :
Bruce Willis comes in and calls himself Church and asks if Sly and The Pyromaniacs can Save The Day on a little island called Valena or someshit. Some baddy with a naughty salt growing team have taken over and the army of this island has went apeshit and started battering fuck out of anyone for no reason. This american cunt is bullying the General (who is the ruler of the island) and is an all round wanker.
The Generals daughter (sandra) is against all this and is like ''fuck you daddy, You're a bastard'' and tries to be the winner. But she gets punched to fuck and water tortured before Sly and the boys step in.

The last half hour of the movie is comprised of ''Holy Tranny Balls'' explosions and not much else. It is a visual feast that rapes your eyeballs with fire and leaves them wanting more. It is a movie that certainly did not disappoint and I loved every minute :) Jason Stathams Never ending Knife supply is Minted. I especially loved the bit where they shot a bomb and it went and fucked nature.

Oh aye, Mickey Rourke is in this movie also, and appears at one point on a motorbike with his shirt undone (vile old man skin) and there is a scantily clad woman who wouldn't look out of place at Hooters is draped over him like a shawl.
He also seems to have a problem with Over salivating as at one point you get so distracted by his drool pool on his lip you stop paying attention to the words passing over them.

Jet Li has obviously been told in this movie to be a Chinaman because his accent is apeshit. I know he his perfectly capable of stringing a sentence together with hardly any accent.


Overall, i enjoyed it lots and would give it 9.9/10 - only because i saw more Mickey Rourke Old Man Flesh than i ever needed to.